mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
