Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
