Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
