I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
