Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
