Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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