Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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