Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize