I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He felt like a one man threesome
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
