I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
