I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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