Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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