It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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