He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
