id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
