Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
