I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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