No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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