that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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