why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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