I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did i walk over a car last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
