Jerry, you need to find god
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
