I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
