You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
