Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
