And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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