oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
