Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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