I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
