Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
