his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
