its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's official drugs can't kill me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
