i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
