i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
