I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
