I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
