just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
