did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
