yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
