I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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