New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
