had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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