I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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