So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Holy shit dude........stairs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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