Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
