i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
