I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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