Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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