Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
