come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
