i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
