I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
