I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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