Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
