I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it glows. i had to have it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
