There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
