I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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