So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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