Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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