im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
