her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
