your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
