I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
