I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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