guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
where am i from again
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
