why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
