I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
