Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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