you would pick up someone in the library
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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