i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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