Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
