I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize