I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
